I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
