the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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