You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
