I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
