Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
