It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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