Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
