We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
