Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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