But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can Purell be used as lube?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
