i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
