Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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