how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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