My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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