after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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