you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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