soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
