hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
