Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
