Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
