just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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