the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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