Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
