Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
