my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
