I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
