Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
