is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
