when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
