I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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