sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
