So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
