Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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