there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
