i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
