i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
