his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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