How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
