i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
