i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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