Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
