Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
