the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
