Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
