I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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