didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
