I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
