is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
