Your face is a jimmy john
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
