I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
