i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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