he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
