I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
