Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
