i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
