Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
