Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
