THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
